Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
That objectifying saying
Have you ever heard of that dreadful saying, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
It implies that men won’t commit to a relationship or marriage if they can get sexual benefits without commitment. It suggests a transactional view of relationships, reducing women to commodities and devaluing their worth outside of sexual availability.
I hate this saying for more then just the fact it devalues women. It took me a long time to figure out that I experienced was cognitive dissidence. This is when you have mental discomfort or tension that arises when you hold two or more contradictory beliefs, values, or attitudes.
As a millennial, I grew up with the belief that if you did not offer sex to a man, he will loose interest. If we were to put this belief in the same analogy it would read like this:
“Why buy the cow if you haven’t sampled the milk”: This suggests the idea of wanting to experience something before committing to it, implying that someone might not want to commit to a relationship without first having sex.
“Why pursue buying the cow if you are not getting any milk”: This suggests that someone might lose interest in pursuing a relationship if they’re not having sex, implying that sex is a key motivator for commitment.
When people hear, “Why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free,” they often believe there’s some truth to it, thinking it gives men motivation to commit or marry you. This leads to conflicting beliefs that cause feelings of confusion making them think “What should I believe and how should I navigate dating?” which can then lead to emotional pain and feelings of disrespect.
As a women, it can feel like your in a trap when it comes to dating. Do I hold off on sex until he commits to me or do I offer him sex to keep in interested?
From my personal experience, neither of these two beliefs are true. If a man is interested in being in a romantic relationship with you, having sex with him wont make him not want to commit, anymore then holding off on sex is going to make him loose interest.
I believe women should choose to hold off on sex not as a tactic to incentivize men to commit, but rather to protect themselves from being used for sex. By delaying sexual intimacy, women can ensure that their relationships are based on genuine emotional connection and commitment, rather than just physical attraction. This approach helps avoid situations where a man might only be interested in sex and not in building a meaningful, lasting relationship. Ultimately, it empowers women to set clear boundaries and seek partners who value them for more than just physical intimacy. Comment your thoughts below.
I hope this has provided valuable insight into the mindset of some women, or perhaps even helped you reflect on your own.